This question is huge. Divorcing women ask me all the time: “Why would you advise me not to keep the house, post-divorce??”

I could write a book on this. I’ll spare you that much reading here. But I’ll give you the highlights, so you can make your own decision.

First, know that I’m highly qualified to weigh in on this topic. I’m a CPA, a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER^® professional, and a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst^® professional. I’m also divorced. So consider the source vs., say, your gut feel.

Let me be clear, though. I get it. I know why women generally want (even fight) to keep the marital house, post-divorce. It’s been their home, so it’s tough to get rid of it. It likely has a decent amount of equity, so why dump out? But the single biggest issue is—you guessed it—the kids.

The kids. Let’s talk about them first.

Divorcing woman’s logic: “I don’t want to upset the kids any more than I have to.”

Cold-water-drenching news flash: It’s the divorce that’s affecting the kids. Not a real-estate transaction. If you won the lottery and were going to buy a nicer home, would you feel the same way about upsetting the kids? Kids are resilient and would rather have a mom who isn’t stressed about paying for a house she can’t really afford.

What matters to the kids, from their perspective: Having their own room. Keeping their friends from school. So all you need to do—and this is what will happen anyway, typically—is simply get a new house that’s within your budget in the same neighborhood/school district.

Voilà. The kids are fine. They still have their friends and their school. And they simply migrate all the stuff from their old bedroom into the new one. So it feels like “home” right from the get-go.

Another cold-water-drenching news flash: Even if you keep the house, the kids won’t be living in it for a decent portion of the time anyway, depending on the eventual parenting arrangement that’s struck.

I hope this helps you reframe the “kids” impediment. You’re a parent. You know that you shouldn’t couch this as “Oh no, we have to leave our old house and all your friends,” but rather as, “This is going to be an adventure, and you’ll get to show your friends your cool new place.”

You don’t want fries with that

In the fast-food biz, there’s a concept called “up-selling.” Put simply, “Would you like fries with that?”

In divorce, you want to think in the opposite direction. Here, let me put this in perspective for you:

Your current house was purchased for a big family. Your family is now smaller.

A big house is expensive. Big utilities, property insurance, taxes, and repairs. Why would you want that extra burden now? It makes no sense.

A smaller house is easier to get, since it’s easier to qualify for a smaller mortgage. The upkeep is less; you can afford to farm it out. Wouldn’t you rather have that extra time to spend with the kids?

Finally, I’ll hit you with some real hardcore financial considerations:

Consideration 1: If, say, you have $400,000 in equity in the marital house and you opt to keep it, that means you need to find $200,000 to give your spouse when you divide it. Where’s that $200,000 going to come from? Do you have that much cash? And if not, would you really want to dip into, say, a retirement account to try and get it? That instantly—and negatively—affects your entire future.

Consideration 2: As a married couple, you can exclude the gain from a house sale on your taxes up to $500,000. If you’re single, it’s only half that. In other words, you might be looking at a huge tax hit if you keep the house, especially if it appreciates in value. (There are creative ways to get around this, if the divorce is relatively amicable, but that’s too much detail for this little article.)

As I’d said, to-sell-or-not-to-sell is a huge soapbox cause of mine. I’m not trying to be the enemy here; to the contrary, I want you to have the best possible life and future for yourself and your children.

Contact me today and let’s have that all-important initial conversation.

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